Deadly Bones flew through the air with majesty. Now that he was a god, nothing could stop him, ever. Especially not wind resistance.
He had one mission: To kill the Wifekiller, the deadliest of all deadly giant snakes.
It wouldn’t be easy. Giant snakes are dangerous to hunt, even for gods. They also had extreme camouflage which made them very difficult to detect.
Deadly Bones wasn’t worried. But he knew another certain skeleton that would want in on the hunt:
Skeleton Sacramento; his wife was the wife that gave the Wifekiller its name. With her corpse. That incident is what made Skeleton Sacramento become a skeleton lawyer.
He arrived in the air over the Sacramento home and stopped. He’d been keeping a secret since his return, and now was the time to reveal it.
He jumped through the roof of the Sacramento home, and everyone was still hanging out. Even Satan. They had all agreed to wait for Deadly Bones’ return and had been waiting for months. Suzie was in the hospital though still in a baseball-brick curse coma.
“SO YOU HAVE RETURNED, DOCTOR.” he yelled loudly like an idiot. “HAVE YOU PREPARED YOURSELF TO DIE AT THE HANDS OF ME AND MY SKELETON-SON?”
“No, idiot.” said Deadly Bones like the coolest goddamn mother fucker who ever existed. “And I’ll tell you why; THAT CRIMSON SKELETON IS NOT YOUR SKELETON SON.”
“WAT” roared Satan, “YOU’RE LYING!!!”
“No,” said Deadly Bones, continuing to be cool as ice. “Suzie’s child was a girl skeleton. That crimson skeleton can only mean one thing:
YOUR WIFE CHEATED ON YOU!!!”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” roared Satan like a giant red baby.
“Yes, you fool. While you were out playing baseball, your poor wife was obviously not being satisfied. She must have cheated on you with another skeleton. But now’s not the time for this-
“Oh, I think this is exactly the time for this.” said Skeleton Sacramento, looking like a smug motherfucker.
“Satan, IT WAS ME. *I* IMPREGNATED YOUR WIFE, AND CRIMSON SKELETON IS MY SON.”
And then Crimson Skeleton stabbed Satan in the back with a bone-knife.
“The ritual is complete!” laughed Skeleton Sacramento. “Finally, after all these years, my revenge is here!”
Blood fell from Satan’s back an d the hellbeasts were summoned. They started attacking Satan and he ran into the street to be mauled.
“Now, Skeleton Doctor #2, what else do you have to tell us?”
“Please, sir, call me Deadly Bones.” said Deadly Bones. “I’m not the doctor I once was. I’m far more darker and mysterious and deadly.”
“ok” said Skeleton Sacramento.
“I’m here to bring you with me to kill the giant snake that killed your wife! And then I can fix the timelines and save Johnny Thunder!” said Deadly Bones.
Skeleton Sacramento’s eye sockets lit up with rage and happiness.
“LET’S GO THEN!” he roared, “Crimson Skeleton, you stay here with Skeleton Doctor #1 and fix the house up. Skeleton Boss, I’m afraid I’m going to be late for work.”
“Go.” said Skeleton Boss, “Avenge your wife. And here, take this magical gift.” and he handed Skeleton Sacramento a Scroll of Resurrection like from Diablo.
“This is perfect!” said Skeleton Sacramento. “I can revive our powerful ally, the Knight!” he said, and then he did. and the Knight said “thanks” and went away
“Let’s get going” said Deadly Bones, and he kicked a hole in the wall and struck a pose, and then used his magic power to fix it.
“Vengeance will finally be mine.” said Skeleton Sacramento spookily