Redmond groaned and opened his eyes.
As his vision cleared, he found himself lying on a stained and foul smelling mattress on the floor of an old weather-beaten cabin. There were no windows, but from the light peaking through the front door, he could tell that it was daytime. He wobbled to his feet and approached the door.
Suddenly, there was a shrill voice from behind him.
“Where d’ya think you’re going you delicious little shit?”
Redmond spun around, and to his horror, the mattress he had just been lying on now stood upright. It began to rock its sides and come closer.
“Do you know what I am?” it asked him, as it slowly shimmied toward him.
“N-no” answered Redmond, vision blurring from fear.
The mattress came within a foot of him and leaned toward his head.
“The best.” it whispered.
It fell on top of Redmond, beginning to crush him. Redmond struggled in vain to push it off of him.
“Help meee!” he cried pathetically, as the mattress squeezed the air from his lungs.
Just before Redmond blacked out, the door burst open, and a familiar skeleton grabbed the mattress and flipped it over on to its back. Redmond sat up and gasped for precious air.
The mattress roared and flipped back to its vertical position.
“So, Asia Bones. We meet again. I was hoping to spare you the humiliation of defeat.” it hissed.
“You talk a big game for a single-size.” grunted Asia. “How long before the Transmattressfication potion wears off?”
“Two minutes.” the mattress responded.
“Then I’ll be done with you in one.” said Asia, as he assumed a fighting stance.
“You lack the honor to face me in my true form, skeleton?” the mattress taunted fearfully, as it backed away.
Asia Bones approached it.
“I do not have time for your games, assassin. This ends now.”
Asia Bones growled “Dancing Fire Bones!” as he threw back his arms and forcefully slapped the mattress. Flames erupted from his skelly palms and the mattress flew through the window. I know I said there wasn’t a window before, but now there’s a window.
From his spot on the floor, Redmond could see the mattress continuing to fly through the air into the distance from the force of Asia Bones’ attack.
Asia Bones offered his boney hand and lifted Redmond to his feet.
“What was that thing?” Redmond asked.
“That was an assassin, Redmond. No doubt under the employ of the Shark Priestess.” responded Asia Bones.
“I thank you for saving me, Master Bones, but I need to find the sea dog who lives in this marsh.”
“I know, Redmond. I know everything about your quest.”
“How can that be?” responded Redmond, shocked.
“I read your mind, weak one. I saw everything that happened. To you, to your friend.”
“Then you know that I have no time to waste!” said Redmond. “If I’m going to save Bob, I need to get moving.”
“You have no chance of that, Redmond.” said Asia Bones calmly. “As you are now, it’s doubtful that you’ll even be able to reach the sea dog alive.”
“I need to try!” yelled Redmond.
“Then at least let me train you, boy!” answered Asia Bones. “I may not be able to give you the power to defeat the Shark Priestess, but I can at least make you strong enough to lift a mattress!”
“THERE’S NO TIME FOR THAT!” yelled Redmond, and he stomped past Asia Bones and out of the cabin.
Asia Bones shook his head and smiled as he watched Redmond begin to wander helplessly through the streets of Bonestown.
“He reminds me of myself when I had skin, Rasta.” he said, as Rasta Rick appeared at his side.
“Ya mon, da leetle guy be goin places, das a sheer ting. Da questions be, doe. Where he goin? An ow he gonna git der?”