“Aye, we on a voyage to Shark City, mon!” laughed Rasta Rick, as the skeleton pirates danced around the ship gracefully, the massive bony aquatic conveyance going full speed ahead.
“AAAALL HANDS ON DECK, YE SCURVY LANDLUBBERS!” roared Captain Redbones and Captain Blackbones in unison. They had both refused to stand down as the head captain of the ship, so Asia Bones karate-chopped their bodies in half, and Rasta Rick rasta’d them together. They were now Captain Redblack- the ultimate skeleton pirate captain. whatever.
Suddenly, there was a thunderous chorus of squawks, and Redmond looked up at the sky to see ten thousand goddamn crows launching themselves toward the ship.
“Oh yeah, we forgot about the crow men.” he said.
“Ready yourself, Redmond.” instructed Asia Bones. “Let the horror guide you.”
The crows attacked the ship, pecking at the skeleton pirates with gusto. Despite the fact that they didn’t have any freaking skin, the skeleton pirates were extremely frustrated and inconvenienced by this.
Asia Bones spun through the air, karate-chopping and kicking dozens upon dozens of crow men,
and Rasta Rick back-flipped all over the damn place and used his giant blunt to blow up a smoke-screen to blind the crows. The skellies didn’t have eyeballs which could be bothered by smoke, so this completely makes sense.
Captain Redblack stood tall and continued steering the ship, not at all deterred by the gang of crow-men pecking at his body.
“Redmond!” roared Asia Bones, “Defend the captain! After a couple of hours of pecking, his bones might begin to crack!”
“I’m on it, master!” Redmond answered, as he rushed to the captain’s aid, the horror guiding him through the 420 smoke screen.
Upon hearing Redmond call him master, Asia Bone’s non-existent heart swelled with pride, and he smashed crow-man beaks with extra gusto to show off to the rest of the pirates.
Redmond drew his sword and stabbed the ever-loving crap out of the crows that were pecking the captain. They fell to the ground, deader than shit.
“WE MUST RETREAT!” howled one of the crows; apparently the flock leader, since the bird men proceeded to rush back into the sky and beyond.
“ARRRRRRRRRRRRR! We DID IT, LADS!” laughed Redblack, jumping and pumping his fist in the air. The rest of the skeletons proceeded to pump their fists in the air, and glow sticks and kandi bracelets rained from the sky.
Redmond stood at the front of the ship, staring down into the endless depths. Well, not really endless. The ocean does have a bottom. But it’s really deep.
Asia Bones and Rasta Rick joined him.
“Those crows were sent by General Whitefin.” Redmond said, recalling his first encounter with the winged assholes.
“Indeed they were, Redmond.” said Asia Bones. “It would seem the Shark Priestess seems to gain land-based allies as well, judging from the shape-shifting assassin.”
“Speaking of which-” said Rasta Rick, and he stabbed Asia Bones through the back of the spine.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” cried Redmond, and he punched Rasta Rick’s freaking face. Redmond fell to the ground and held his teacher in his arms as the skelly pirates tackled Rasta Rick.
“Redmond-” coughed Asia. “You- must- you must find-“
“Find what, master?” cried Redmond, tears streaming down his face.
“I’m just kidding, I’m fine.” said Asia Bones and stood up, removing the knife from his back.
“ARRRR, WHAT’VE YE DONE WITH THE REEEAL RASTA RICK?” arrred Redblack menacingly.
“Go ahead.” coughed the assassin. “Throw me overboard. I’ve nothing but allies in the dreary depths.” he laughed.
Redblack grabbed the assassin’s arms in each hand, and tore the assassin’s body in half.
“We must find Rasta Rick!” cried Redmond.
“I’m over here, mon.” said Rasta Rick, appearing from out of the crowd.
“Well, that sums everything up nicely.” noted one of the skeleton pirates.
Also, we’re here now.” said another skeleton.
Redmond looked overboard and didn’t see anything. Just more freaking open ocean.
Asia Bones looked and Redmond and realized he didn’t get it. “It’s underwater, Redmond.” he sighed with disappointment. “They’re shark people. They live underwater.” and without another word, he dropped to the floor into some push-ups., followed closely by Rasta Rick, and the rest of the skellie crew.
Redblack handed Redmond the harpoon gun. “Are ye ready for this lad?” he laughed.
“I’m ready with a capital ARRRRR!” said Redmond, as he proceeded to start exercising as well.
Half of the skeletons laughed so hard that their ribs fell off.
“Way to go, Redmond.” sighed Asia, and he dove into the ocean.
“Gather yer bones and meet us in Davey Jones’s locker, me hearties!” laughed Redblack, as he followed Asia Bones, with Rasta Rick diving in after him.
Redmond did the polite thing and helped the skeleton crew retrieve their ribs.
They all then proceeded to plunge into the dark and spooky ocean.