In the span of 5 minutes, Rasta Rick had propelled himself from the Space-Helicopter and entered the Alien ship by transforming into smoke and entering unnoticed. He’d then followed the trail of Alien bodies to find the remains of McMann, and Space Judge, still gloating.
The Judge attempted to fire his bazooka at the rastamon, but to no avail. The Dank Defier could transform into smoke at will, and the rocket had passed straight through him. He punched the War Judge right in the dick, and stood tall before him, pointing a bong-gun directly at his face.
“Ya know, by Lord, when ya be forgivin’, mon,” said Rasta Rick.
please, hear me out- Time Consumer, time consumsorry, I’m listening to Coheed.
Space Judge knelt to his knees before the righteous rasta reaper.
“Rastamon, I’m so sorry,” begged the cowardly Judge, “Please, have mercy on my pathetic soul!”
“I cahnt be doin’ dat, mon. You been a bad boy, ya broke all de rules. You been a bad boy, you gets yah’s paid in full.” sorry, im really sorry, i just fucking love coheed so much, ill stop now.
“What are you going to do to me?” cried War Judge.
“First off mahn, I be demoting you- because I’M DE NEW PRESIDENT OF EARTH, mon.”
“De President’s been assassinated by ahn Alien fleet- da fleet from the battle dat YOU left- because you din’ do yah job and bring de justice to dem, mon. And now de responsability of leadin’ ‘umanity rests on de shouldas o’ Rasta Rick!”
“Oh shit,” wept War Judge, now merely Space Judge again. punk ass bitch.
“Das right. Now, tah bring you back to da side ‘o good, ya gotta take a hit of dis,” explained Rasta Rick, brandishing his blunt broadsword.
In one smooth, lightning-quick motion, he lit it and smacked Space Judge across the face with it, knocking him out cold.
“Da blunt be blunt, mahn,” he laughed, “an infused with da daaank magick. When you awake, you’ll be a good manh again. We lost enuff good men, ah say…”
He took a moment to remember the bravery of the War God, before using his rastamagic to communicate with Irish Pilot.
“De Space Judge been takin’ care oh, mon. I gon find Raymond now.”
“God Speed, Rasta Rick,” replied the Irishman, “We’ll see you planetside.”
The Marines locked and loaded as they prepared for their rescue mission.
Meanwhile, back on the Alien ship, Rasta Rick took another hit and began searching for the bridge- no doubt the Aliens would be interrogating young Raymond, with the Alien Captain heading the interrogation. Rasta Rick had the opportunity to take a peaceful picture of 3 birds with one stone- kill the Alien Captain, save the Raymond, and hijack the Alien ship.
he found the door to the bridge, took a deep hit, and pushed it open. What he saw shook him to his bones.
[To be Continued]