Jeb Smith vs. The Cannibals

Jeb Smith and Mark Henry are mercenaries hired by the powerful Grueber Corporation to map uncharted territories on Spooky Earth. A scout returned to them with his arm eaten off, alerting them to an indigenous tribe of cannibals. Leaving the rest of their men behind, Jeb and Mark push forward in hopes of learning more about this new threat.

We join them as Jeb spies a native through his binoculars.

JEB: Hey fam, look. A cannibal.

MARK: Yeah, I see him.

J: Okay, let’s get him.

M: Wait, wait, wait. We can’t kill him.

J: Why not?

M: He hasn’t done anything wrong!

J: What? He’s a cannibal. He might even be the guy who chewed off Jimmy’s arm.

M: We don’t know that. We don’t know anything about these people.

J: Except that they chew people’s arms off.

M: I think we should go talk to him.

J: Sure, fine, because he definitely speaks English.

JEB runs out toward the native


The cannibal spots them and screeches. He runs away.

J: Okay, let’s follow him so we can have a civil discussion.

M: We can’t just kill them.

J: Why tho?

M: We’d be like the American colonists who exterminated the Native Americans.

J: Whoa, hey. These people are cannibals. It’s not the same.

M: Why? Because some of them might eat people?

J: Yes, literally that.

M: We’re intruding into their territory.

J: Like they intruded into Jimmy’s arm?

M: It was a single person, we don’t even know if they’re all like that. We have to be tactful.

J: Okay, fine. We’ll follow Shriek to whatever spooky cave or village he’s running to, and we’ll get eaten. Fine.

M: If they start trying to bite us, then you can shoot them.

J: Yeah, fine. But if they offer you any mystery meat, it’s 100% guaranteed people.


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