Dating Tips for Fat Losers

  1. CONFIDENCE IS KEY. If you want a girl to like you, and you’re completely unlikable, you just have to be confident, and she’ll automatically like you no matter what. You don’t even have to actually be confident, you can just PRETEND to be confident, and it works just as well.

    Here’s an example- this is actually how it will work every single time:

    Loser: Hi, I’m a confident man.

    Girl: Holy shit, please impregnate me immediately.*

    *you don’t have to impregnate her immediately, or at all, but her natural lust for your confidence will get the better of her, causing this embarrassing display of distraction. That’s why it’s always advised to approach women in secluded areas when they’re alone- so they don’t embarrass themselves in front of a crowd.

  2. COMPLIMENT HER ONCE, AND THEN NEVER AGAIN. Girls live off of compliments like vampires live off of blood. It costs valuable mental resources to continue feeding a girl compliments throughout your relationship with her, which is why you should nail her with one single, exceptional compliment that will leave her satisfied for her entire life. The compliment isn’t as much a positive note about her, as it is a derogatory remark about all other women, who she naturally hates. It goes as follows:

    “All women besides you are hideous bitches.”

    Record this for her, and put it on her mp3 player, and her heart will be yours forever.

  3. SABOTAGE YOUR COMPETITION. The idea that men should be loyal to one another over women is a classic example of male-sabotage. This “bro code” law was created by a fat loser exactly like you to discourage other men from pursuing his woman. The reality is that friendships come and go as easily as relationships. The difference? Your man-friend isn’t going to have sex with you, OR watch you play single-player video games. When you’re a loser, building yourself up isn’t an option- it requires a level of effort that if you had, you wouldn’t be a fat loser to begin with. Your only other option? Make everyone seem like a bigger loser than you are. Take up baking, and serve your physically fit friends delicious fudge brownies. Steal their gym membership cards. Buy them a dog and teach it to eat their college textbooks. Anything you can do to set someone else back, is setting yourself up. When your mutual friends who are girls see that your once-mighty friends have become disasters, you’ll appear much more palatable-

    That’s when you confidently tell her how much you hate all women besides her.

    Let the wedding bells ring, baby.


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