JK Rowling is a Fool and a Thief

In Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, the Stone was guarded by a series of enchantments set by the Hogwarts staff.

All of these enchantments were related to who set them. Hagrid, with his love of good puppers, provided a fearsome three-headed dog. Snape, whose favorite movie was The Princess Bride, laid out some poison. And the Herbology professor set up a tentacle-hentai monster to ensure that no schoolgirl in a pleated skirt could get by.

All of the trials made sense based on who set them up.

All except for one.

Professor McDonalds’s “””transfigured””” chess board.

Let’s ignore the fact that animating chess pieces isn’t fucking transfiguration, but actually a charm. Maybe McDoogal collaborated with Flintmick,

There’s a bigger question: Why chess?

Professor McDonnaque was never described as some kind of chess prodigy, or even some expert strategist. How the hell is chess relevant to her? She could have “””transfigured””” ANYTHING, including using /actual/ transfiguration to turn chess pieces into, idk, actual soldiers to actually *guard* the Stone instead of just forcing you to PLAY CHESS AND POSSIBLY GET BY THEM.

So why did she use magic that isn’t actually her specialty to create a supposed-safeguard that can be solved by anyone who knows how to play chess?

And Rowling already had Flickmike “””charm””” the flying keys, (which, ironically was more of a transfiguration than the chess pieces) So she couldn’t just re-use him. Maybe they actually did each other’s bits. Or maybe Rowling got her own characters mixed up.

One thing we know for CERTAIN:

JK Rowling actually stole this entire scenario from Kurt Vonnegut’s 1951 short story “All The King’s Horses”.

Did she think she’d get away with it? Well, she was right.

god she’s dumb though. remember when she went ballistic because she thought Donald Trump refused to shake a disabled kid’s hand? Imagine actually thinking ANYONE would do that. You’re in this internet-and-cable-bubble and you’re fed the dumbest fucking “””news””” day after day about extra ice cream scoops and extremely-vague Russian conspiracies and now you actually think Satan walks the Earth, is the President, and sneered at a disabled kid.

JK Rowling is basically a fucking soccer mom. twitter shouldnt exist. avoiding a creator’s twitter is the modern-day version of “never meet your hero”.

I know I’m going all over the place. basically instead of putting literally any thought at all into the traps set to protect the Sorcerer’s Stone, Rowling thought it’d be fun to just copy a short story she read and replaced the Chinese communists with magic. I have no evidence of this, but it’s obvious and definitely true.

anyway uh, I’m obviously reading Welcome to the Monkey House. The stories are really neato. I’ll write about that later maybe.

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