I’ve never appreciated until now I think, how important anger is. I used to take Adderall, and one of the side-effects was irritability. I see now that that’s a good thing. Anger is the most important thing a man can ever have in his life. Every single person and thing in life is trying to fuck you. Everything is an obstacle, whether it’s acting against you, or just blocking your way, intentionally or not. So everything needs to be met with anger. If you’re not acting like a fucking… what is that real nasty animal? I have to look it up… not Tasmanian devils, although they look pretty cool too… what are those absolutely nasty little monsters… okay, so I’m looking up “most aggressive animals” now, and weasels also look badass. But what I was thinking of was wolverines. If you’re not approaching everything in the entire world like a fucking wolverine, then you’re going to get fucked.
That’s just all there is to it. EVERYTHING is working against you. One time when I was at the doctor’s, while I was on Adderall, this fat bitch cut me in line. I’d like to think that now that I’ve started rediscovering the importance of anger, I’d do what I did back then– cut her back. I didn’t get violent, I didn’t yell at her– although, I have yelled at people in public too. And I also did start yelling “fat fucking idiot” on my way out of the office so she’d hear me while punching the air like a psycho. You don’t have to do that, that’s overkill. But it’s also better than just letting yourself get cut in line. It’s about not being a fucking doormat. And there’s no middle-ground. You need to have a hateful, passionate, raging fire inside of you to inspire even COURTEOUS action to protect yourself. If everything you do isn’t backed up with a fucking monster inside of you, your attempts at peaceful resolution are going to fail and you’re going to get bulldozed by people who are apathetic to your desires– just like you are to theirs. You’re not living anyone else’s life other than your own, so fuck their desires. Forget about being tread on, people should be afraid to APPROACH you to try to tread on you. And again, it’s not just people. Inanimate objects have to be met with the exact same intensity, or else nothing will ever get done.
Something you have to fix isn’t going to get fixed if you’re apathetic about it, it’s not going to get fixed if you’re sad and depressed about it, it’s ONLY going to get fixed if you’re angry about it. As angry as a fucking hungry animal. I’ve been fucked up a lot over the last few years. Different meds, drastic, terrible life-changes. I’ve become a fucking shell of my former self and there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t imagine just fucking killing myself. Everything about my life is worse than it was 2-3 years ago. And it’s not going to change unless I angrily force it to. There’s probably some nerdy science behind this, like your focus/concentration becoming clearer if you’re fucking mad. It definitely and obviously cures anxiety, and you’re not depressed if you’re screaming your head off.
But I don’t care enough to look any of that shit up, it’s OBVIOUS enough. Every single thing has to be attacked, viciously, like a fucking animal. That’s the only way for anything to ever get done. Ideally, I’d like to be mad 16 hours a day.